HALIFAX:
Halifax is a sex knight!
shing! shing!
boy: I went to halifax this weekend.
girl: o rly? did you have sex?
boy: of course! halifax is a sex knight! Shing! Shing!
girl: Shing! The rainiest, dreariest city on Earth. It sucks in the following ways:
1. The sun never shines
2. Its windy and rainy as hell. The wind will snap your umbrella in half, thus making any attempt to shield oneself from the rain futile.
3. There are miles and miles of hotdog stands and chip wagons, but NO ice cream trucks. FFS!?
4. The ridiculously expensive universities have become nothing but exclusive kennels where wealthy Toronto suburbanites can send their vapid poodling daughters and idiotic sons, who bring their 1993 plague-like vernacular to the local commonfolk, while popping their collars and wearing uggboots.
5. Halifax is the city with the highest rate of violent crime in Canada.
6. Mostly everyone is fat, or becomes fat after moving here.
7. The pathetic bus is always several minutes late or several minutes early. Both result in standing in the rain getting wet.
8. Nobody has a sense of style.
9. There's no nightlife unless you like sailor songs and dregs.
10. Everything is overpriced: rent, food, and the aforementioned rags that people call stylish.
11. There are 200 Tim Hortons, and most people flock to these like heroin addicts.
12. Good luck trying to find any indie or world cinema.
13. There are no bike lanes.
14. Racism: The minorities are tucked away in the North End where the White man doesn't have to deal with them.
15. The main metropolitan street is filled with beggars, which is a problem if you ever get kicked out of your house due to inability to pay rent. Better learn how to play an instrument. Well. Like fucking Coltraine well.
I woke up and it was raining. So I ordered a pizza and it costed me 35 friggin dollars. And it was just a fucking combo pizza. So my roomate Trevor Wilsonstein was like " naa bra I'll get it this time bra but next time ya got me riah?". So I punched him in the face. Then I went downtown that night to the pub, drank some shitty dreg beer while listening to people sing the only part of Barretts Privateers they know, and got beat up on the way home by a bunch of strangers.
The next day I wanted to go see some indie movies but alas, they were nowhere to be found. It was raining again. I decided to get the bus to the Tim Hortons because I'm addicted and there are no bike lanes, but the bus was 13 minutes late. Then I realized there was a Tim Hortons across the street. I just couldn't see it because there were so many fat people in front of it.
When it stopped raining for a few minutes the hotdog stands opened and distributed their greasy death to the obese mulititude. Girls were getting muffintops on a daily basis.
Then I went home but I was locked out because the rent went up 400 dollars and I didnt have a job because I was going to Dal to get a useless bachelors degree. Now I'm begging for money but theres so many fucking beggars outdoing me. I hate halifax. And the University they are referring to is the university I go to. Over half the student body is from the GTA alone.
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my cup of sadness overflows...boo-hoo 
