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    The Joke Thread!!!

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    alex-likes-running
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by alex-likes-running on Sat Aug 30, 2008 9:30 am

    dead baby jokes are my favorite lol.
    i also really like dumb jokes.

    Why did the girl fall off the swing?
    Spoiler:
    She had no arms

    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    Spoiler:
    it died

    Why did the boy cross the road?
    Spoiler:
    It was stapled to the chicken

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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by Hurdle-Gurl on Sat Aug 30, 2008 9:18 pm

    What's the name of the one legged waitress that works at IHOP?
    Spoiler:
    Peggy

    What was Peggy's favorite toy growing-up?
    Spoiler:
    leggos

    What is the name of the other one legged waitress that works at IHOP?
    Spoiler:
    Ilean

    What was Peggy's favorite childhood game?
    Spoiler:
    Hopscotch
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    alex-likes-running
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by alex-likes-running on Sat Aug 30, 2008 9:28 pm

    hahah, those are good.

    Whats the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
    Spoiler:
    acne doesnt come on a boys face until hes 12

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    baby got track
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by baby got track on Sat Aug 30, 2008 11:38 pm

    alex-likes-running wrote:Whats the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
    Spoiler:
    acne doesnt come on a boys face until hes 12
    I laughed for real at that one. That's funny. Very Happy
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    amherst_xc
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by amherst_xc on Sun Aug 31, 2008 12:51 am

    whats the difference between a dead baby and a person who loves dead baby jokes?

    Spoiler:
    the dead baby used to have a brain.
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    FinishingKick
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by FinishingKick on Mon Sep 01, 2008 4:30 pm

    Not really a joke but my school has a section on the website for questions and there are some absolute gems.

    Hi, my child unfortunately does not have the time to do summer reading this year and she is very worried about an writing assignment for English that may be assigned at the beginning of the year for summer reading. being that she does not have the time will there be alternative assignment for her and any other students that have not done summer reading?

    i am so mad how come we have to read to books to read for the summer we too have lives outside of school why can't we just read one it ruined my entire summer vacation PLEASE ANSWER!!!!!!

    WHAT IS THE DEAL??? WE HAVE NOT GOTTEN TEACHER ASSIGNMENTS FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL YET !!! THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MAILED OUT ON TUESDAY AND STILL NOTHING. PLEASE ANSWER THIS. IT IS RIDICULOUS THAT WE HAVE TO WAIT THIS LONG AND IT IS A MAJOR INCONVENIENCE HAVING SUCH A SHORT TIME TO GET THE SUPPLIES THAT THE TEACHERS ASK FOR. SO MUCH FOR THE GENERIC LIST. FOR A DISTRICT THAT CLAIMS TO BE ALMIGHTY ... THIS IS CRAZY

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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by atcg on Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:53 pm

    amherst_xc wrote:whats the difference between a dead baby and a person who loves dead baby jokes?

    Spoiler:
    the dead baby used to have a brain.
    What does a complaint about a dead baby joke and a tampon have in common?
    Spoiler:
    Every pussy has one
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    Just Because
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by Just Because on Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:43 pm

    Why should you never throw rocks at a Black person on a bike?

    Spoiler:
    That bike is probably yours
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by Running With Scissors on Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:58 pm

    What can a pizza do that a black person can't?
    Spoiler:
    Feed a family of four.

    Why does Alabama have black people and California earthquakes?
    Spoiler:
    California got to pick first.

    Why are black people like sperm?
    Spoiler:
    Only one in a billion actually works.


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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by Pinthin on Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:32 pm

    FinishingKick wrote:Not really a joke but my school has a section on the website for questions and there are some absolute gems.

    Hi, my child unfortunately does not have the time to do summer reading this year and she is very worried about an writing assignment for English that may be assigned at the beginning of the year for summer reading. being that she does not have the time will there be alternative assignment for her and any other students that have not done summer reading?

    i am so mad how come we have to read to books to read for the summer we too have lives outside of school why can't we just read one it ruined my entire summer vacation PLEASE ANSWER!!!!!!

    WHAT IS THE DEAL??? WE HAVE NOT GOTTEN TEACHER ASSIGNMENTS FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL YET !!! THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MAILED OUT ON TUESDAY AND STILL NOTHING. PLEASE ANSWER THIS. IT IS RIDICULOUS THAT WE HAVE TO WAIT THIS LONG AND IT IS A MAJOR INCONVENIENCE HAVING SUCH A SHORT TIME TO GET THE SUPPLIES THAT THE TEACHERS ASK FOR. SO MUCH FOR THE GENERIC LIST. FOR A DISTRICT THAT CLAIMS TO BE ALMIGHTY ... THIS IS CRAZY

    haha those actually made me laugh.
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    alex-likes-running
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by alex-likes-running on Wed Sep 03, 2008 5:21 am

    How do you stop a black guy from drowning?
    Spoiler:
    take your foot off his head
    Whats black and blue and doesnt like sex?
    Spoiler:
    the boy in my basement
    What do you do when you see a black guy running around with half his face blown off?
    Spoiler:
    stop laughing and reload
    What do you call a hundered black guys dead in the bottom of the ocean?
    Spoiler:
    A good start

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    iWearNikes
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by iWearNikes on Thu Sep 04, 2008 11:05 pm

    alex-likes-running wrote:How do you stop a black guy from drowning?
    Spoiler:
    take your foot off his head
    Whats black and blue and doesnt like sex?
    Spoiler:
    the boy in my basement
    What do you do when you see a black guy running around with half his face blown off?
    Spoiler:
    stop laughing and reload
    What do you call a hundered black guys dead in the bottom of the ocean?
    Spoiler:
    A good start

    soo bad...yet so funny
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    AudienceOfOne
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by AudienceOfOne on Mon Sep 15, 2008 3:03 pm

    you guys are horrible.


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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by Running With Scissors on Fri Dec 12, 2008 12:28 pm

    What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
    Spoiler:
    Fucked.

    What would Martin Luther King be if he was white?
    Spoiler:
    Alive.

    What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
    Spoiler:
    Art.


    Last edited by Running With Scissors on Fri Dec 12, 2008 3:16 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Because one was already said.)


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    alex-likes-running
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by alex-likes-running on Fri Dec 12, 2008 9:55 pm

    Whats the difference between my drive way and a 4 year old?
    Spoiler:
    I dont get arrested for pulling out of my driveway


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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by atcg on Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:06 pm

    So a guy is in a shoe store and sees these weird cream colored boots. They look odd, but he asks to try them on. To his surprise, they are ridiculously comfortable. "They are made out of human skin" the clerk said. "That's crazy, how much are they?" the guy asked. "$1800." "Wow, that's ridiculous, I would never pay that much for boots," the guy said.
    Spoiler:
    The clerk thought and said, "Well, we have a pair in black for $20.

    A man who works at a pickle factory comes home one day with a weird look on his face. He tells his wife that he's going to stick his dick in the pickle slicer one day and walks away. A few days later, he tells her that he stuck his dick in the pickle slicer. "WHAT HAPPENED?" she asked.

    Spoiler:
    I got fired, and so did the pickle slicer.
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by Lily on Fri Dec 12, 2008 11:35 pm

    joke i loved in second grade:

    What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

    Spoiler:
    NACHO CHEESE!!

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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by atcg on Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:01 am

    Why does a seagull live by the sea?
    Spoiler:
    If it lived by the bay, it would be a baygull (bagel)

    Why was the calendar so popular?
    Spoiler:
    He had all the dates
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by runner_dude on Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:34 am

    What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?

    Spoiler:
    Nothing, you already told her twice!
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by running_violet on Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:39 am

    wow, these are soo bad.
    haha, i still laugh though

    my brother LOVES dead baby jokes. haha they're soo vicious.
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    alex-likes-running
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by alex-likes-running on Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:42 am

    Why do black people have light palms?

    Spoiler:
    Everybody's got to have some good in them
    or
    Spoiler:
    When God painted them, they were on all fours

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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by iWearNikes on Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:09 pm

    wats the difference between a baby and a trampoline
    Spoiler:
    you take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline

    wats the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies
    Spoiler:
    i dont have a corvette in my garage

    wats the best part of doing 23 year olds
    Spoiler:
    theres 20 of them

    how is bungee jumping like getting head from an old lady
    Spoiler:
    it feels good until you look down
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by iWearNikes on Sat Dec 13, 2008 6:11 pm

    oh i forgot one:

    why do black people drive with thier left hand and lean inwards
    Spoiler:
    they think the smell is coming from the outside
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by eternally_running on Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:15 pm

    These are horrible! lol, but they are hillarious.. Laughing
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    Re: The Joke Thread!!!

    Post by Running With Scissors on Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:48 pm

    Can't think of anything so I googled these:

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.

    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found
    Spoiler:
    a brand new bathroom scale.

    __________________________________________________
    A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

    "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
    ________________________________________________________

    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

    "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
    The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
    The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
    _____________________________________________________

    There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

    "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."


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